About
I’m demisexual. I don’t think the AVEN definition is perfect, but it’s a good start. I’m also heteroromantic and poly-friendly.
The biggest criticism I have of the AVEN definition concerns their descriptions of primary and secondary sexual attractions. According to AVEN, primary sexual attraction comes from “outward qualities such as a person’s looks, clothes, or personality” while secondary sexual attraction comes from “a connection, usually romantic.” I believe that personality is not an outward quality. Attraction stemming from someone’s personality is an indicator of secondary sexual attraction, not primary. How else would a romantic connection form without an interest or attraction to the other person’s personality?
I seem to be in the minority of demis in that I do not have any major aversion to genitalia or sexual intercourse. However, sex without an emotional or mental romantic connection makes me feel physically dirty. I can’t do it, though I spent a long time trying before I discovered that demisexuality exists.
